At some point in the evening, standing four rows from the stage at Wembley Stadium with 90,000 people packed around me, I started planning my escape.
Let me back up.
I had arrived at Wembley at 11:30 that morning.
Not for a seat but for a prime spot in the Golden Ring, the standing area directly in front of the stage. The whole point was to actually see Bruno Mars with my own eyes, not watch him on a screen from far away. We had traveled a long way for this concert. The mission was proximity, and of course, an exciting evening to remember!
So we got in line: My three kids, the partners of the older two, the mother of one of the partners, and me. Getting in line meant sitting on the ground for four and a half hours, with breaks. We played cards, took turns on bathroom runs, and watched the London weather cycle through every season in a single afternoon.
When they finally let us in, we were in the first 150 out of 90,000 people. I know this because a fan keeping count had written the number 134 on my hand in black marker.
We walked fast, found our spot, and staked our territory four rows back from the barrier.
Then the other tens of thousands of fans filled in around us.
So, this is what a sardine feels like in its can.
No space to move forward, backward, or sideways.
I am slightly claustrophobic. It had already been a long, uncomfortable day. I was tired, grimy, and more than a little on edge.
I started mentally mapping the route to the exit.
And then I caught myself.
Eye on the Donut, Not on the Hole
My late Aunt Nancy introduced me to this paraphrase of an old Irish proverb by way of a greeting card during a dark period in my late 20s.
Meaning: Stay focused. Maintain positivity. And most importantly, keep your sense of humor.
Standing in the Golden Ring, I decided to take Aunt Nancy’s advice, yet again.
The donut, in that moment, looked like this.
I was close enough to see the stage with my own eyes.
My kids were with me, laughing and enjoying.
The weather had finally turned perfect; overcast, room temperature, a small mercy from London.
I was healthy enough to stand for five hours for what would be a spectacular show, warm up acts included!
One big, generous, delicious donut.
I stopped mapping the exit. I stayed and had the most fantastic time.
Bruno Mars was extraordinary 💥 When he performed “Marry You”, the sky above the Golden Ring filled with cascading white confetti.
There were also fireworks, fire towers, and a chorus of ninety thousand voices singing together with enthusiasm.
My kids beside me, we danced, we celebrated, all of us in it together.
I went back to my room that night, scrubbed myself, washed my hair three times, and passed out with a smile.
Why This Belongs in a Crisis and Leadership Communications Blog Post
The donut philosophy is a practical attention tool that I have used it in my work for a long time.
In a crisis, the hole almost always feels bigger than the donut.
A project goes wrong. A relationship fractures. A statement lands badly. A situation escalates faster than anyone expected. The immediate instinct is to stare at the damage, cataloguing everything that has gone south, map every way it could get worse, and feel the full weight of what is now outside your control.
That instinct is understandable, yet it is also the one most likely to make things worse.
Here is why: When you are staring at the hole, you are focusing only on the problem, not the solution, the silver linings or the potential next steps.
When you find the donut (what is still intact, what outcome you are working toward, who you still have the chance to reach), you are looking forward, not backyard.
The brain cannot act on a problem when it gets stuck in darkness. The donut provides the light to the end of the tunnel. That is a practical tool, not a philosophy of cheerfulness.
Where This Fits into Chill. Choose. Act.
Chill. Choose. Act. is my crisis communications framework.
Eye on the Donut is at the heart of this framework.
Chill: Take the time think and breathe.
Choose: Identify and prioritize your goals with focus, positivity, and a sense of humor.
Act: Go for it!
The leaders I have worked with who handle crisis all have one thing in common: in the middle of the noise, they can still tell you clearly what they want to happen next. Where most people are cataloguing damage, they are already working toward an outcome.
That clarity is the donut and it takes a deliberate decision to look for it.
Three questions for the week ahead
- In the last difficult situation you navigated, were you focused on the damage or the destination?
- What does the donut look like in the most pressing challenge you are facing right now?
- Have you named that donut clearly enough to communicate it to the people around you?
 Eye on the donut.